I have often been struck by the subtlety of those face book posts that ask you to tell something nice about the person who posted: "Tell me something nice about myself that begins with the letter of your first name" or "tell me where we first me...that is if you really are my friend". What we are really saying is, "Somebody - anybody - please compliment me."
In a culture where you can communicate at the press of a button we are all desperate to get past the silence. It is a silence that is louder than a freight train...it is the silence of a generation that has no idea how to be kind.
I see this lack of kindness in my children. When one child gets a compliment, the other child has to throw in a little insult - just to even things out...make sure she don't get no big head or nothing.
The irony is that our kids are being raised in the culture of self-esteem. Don't you dare tell the kids the truth about their behavior or they might grow up to be axe-murderers or something! Bobby isn't a disrespectful and rude boy...he's...politeness-challenged. Susie isn't a manipulative, angry girl...she's "having a hard time making friends".
So we sit back in our chair, laptop on lap, hoping someone might say something nice to us...might just encourage us a little.
It's just the next-gen equivalent of when we used to sit by the phone, hoping someone cared enough to call and chat.
Man, we are just desperate for approval!
I began thinking about this as I sat at my desk preparing for a conference I am teaching in a few weeks. In Isaiah 57, God calls upon Israel to remove roadblocks, to prepare the road for the work He wants to do. I began wondering what my roadblocks are; sometimes we are truly blind to our own roadblocks.
The Lord's response to my heart-question was this: "You have an addiction to approval."
This was truly born out today when I was teaching one of my exercise classes. I was taking it really easy on my class since it had been a while since our last class. I told them as much and at the end of the class a woman came up to tell me this was the best class she'd ever been to...which is why it frustrated her that I said it was a lot easier than normal. Thanks?
It really sent me for a spin, this side-ways compliment. She liked the class that I don't normally teach and would prefer that I not teach how I normally teach. So...does she like me? Does she like the not-normally-me? Does it matter?
Why do I care?
I have an addiction to approval.
Approval is like a drug. If I am complimented on something, whether it's singing, speaking, writing, or teaching...it makes me want more. "Oh, really? You liked my song? What did you like about my song?"
So, maybe I should not be complimented.
On the flip-side, though, if I don't get complimented (i.e. a nod of approval) it is like withdrawals; not quite to getting the shakes, but almost. I need to know you like me. I need to know I am good enough.
So, what can be done about this need - this addiction - for approval.
As with any other need I have to take it to my Counselor. You know, the One Jesus said he was sending? The Wonderful Counselor...the Spirit of Truth who will guide us into all truth (John 16).
The scriptures are flush with the truths of how God feels about us and those truths become the anchor of my needy, little soul.
On my next blog I am going to share a list of those "How-God-Feels-About-Me-Truths", so hang in there, fellow addicts. I like you.
In a culture where you can communicate at the press of a button we are all desperate to get past the silence. It is a silence that is louder than a freight train...it is the silence of a generation that has no idea how to be kind.
I see this lack of kindness in my children. When one child gets a compliment, the other child has to throw in a little insult - just to even things out...make sure she don't get no big head or nothing.
The irony is that our kids are being raised in the culture of self-esteem. Don't you dare tell the kids the truth about their behavior or they might grow up to be axe-murderers or something! Bobby isn't a disrespectful and rude boy...he's...politeness-challenged. Susie isn't a manipulative, angry girl...she's "having a hard time making friends".
So we sit back in our chair, laptop on lap, hoping someone might say something nice to us...might just encourage us a little.
It's just the next-gen equivalent of when we used to sit by the phone, hoping someone cared enough to call and chat.
Man, we are just desperate for approval!
I began thinking about this as I sat at my desk preparing for a conference I am teaching in a few weeks. In Isaiah 57, God calls upon Israel to remove roadblocks, to prepare the road for the work He wants to do. I began wondering what my roadblocks are; sometimes we are truly blind to our own roadblocks.
The Lord's response to my heart-question was this: "You have an addiction to approval."
This was truly born out today when I was teaching one of my exercise classes. I was taking it really easy on my class since it had been a while since our last class. I told them as much and at the end of the class a woman came up to tell me this was the best class she'd ever been to...which is why it frustrated her that I said it was a lot easier than normal. Thanks?
It really sent me for a spin, this side-ways compliment. She liked the class that I don't normally teach and would prefer that I not teach how I normally teach. So...does she like me? Does she like the not-normally-me? Does it matter?
Why do I care?
I have an addiction to approval.
Approval is like a drug. If I am complimented on something, whether it's singing, speaking, writing, or teaching...it makes me want more. "Oh, really? You liked my song? What did you like about my song?"
So, maybe I should not be complimented.
On the flip-side, though, if I don't get complimented (i.e. a nod of approval) it is like withdrawals; not quite to getting the shakes, but almost. I need to know you like me. I need to know I am good enough.
So, what can be done about this need - this addiction - for approval.
As with any other need I have to take it to my Counselor. You know, the One Jesus said he was sending? The Wonderful Counselor...the Spirit of Truth who will guide us into all truth (John 16).
The scriptures are flush with the truths of how God feels about us and those truths become the anchor of my needy, little soul.
On my next blog I am going to share a list of those "How-God-Feels-About-Me-Truths", so hang in there, fellow addicts. I like you.
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