Full Throttle Worship

A few days ago I returned to the states from the Dominican Republic. I've been on a mission trip sharing the gospel, teaching the bible and helping with a Festival sponsored the by Reid Saunders Association. This is my fourth trip in the last four years with RSA and, to be perfectly honest, I was not terribly excited to go.
Don't get me wrong...I love mission trips, I love serving the Lord by serving others and I was pumped up about doing both. But, I'd been in a really dry place lately with my relationship with the Lord...my worship had been subdued, my prayers had been lame and I was sort of, well, kind of like a wrinkled raisin...just, meh.
As I arrived in the DR I spent a morning in quiet study and prayer, just begging the Lord to revive my heart and ignite my passion about him. I really resonated with the verse in Psalms that takes about "the leanness of the soul"...I wanted my soul to put on some weight; get all fat and juicy!
Well, baby, I was about 5 minutes into the worship and praise part of the Women's Conference that I was to teach, being led in worship by a Dominican "Mandisa" when my soul stirred. Oh, how it stirred, then danced, then leaped about!
These women, these beautiful, big-voiced, passionate Dominican women raised their hands, swayed their hips and sang like angels at the top of their lungs. It was incredible. It was amazing. It was soul-satisfying. You see, I am a big-voiced, hip-swaying, passionate American living in the quiet; living in the sit-still. I didn't realize how quenched I had been in worship until, suddenly, my soul was fat and juicy with it.
Then came the piece-de-resistance! I got up and sang with my Dominican Madisa-like friend Mikal. We sang Revelation Song; she in Spanish, me in English. It was amazing, sacred really. It was full throttle worship and the Lord smiled, and I was satisfied.

Please Compliment Me

I have often been struck by the subtlety of those face book posts that ask you to tell something nice about the person who posted: "Tell me something nice about myself that begins with the letter of your first name" or "tell me where we first me...that is if you really are my friend". What we are really saying is, "Somebody - anybody - please compliment me."
In a culture where you can communicate at the press of a button we are all desperate to get past the silence. It is a silence that is louder than a freight train...it is the silence of a generation that has no idea how to be kind.
I see this lack of kindness in my children. When one child gets a compliment, the other child has to throw in a little insult - just to even things out...make sure she don't get no big head or nothing.
The irony is that our kids are being raised in the culture of self-esteem. Don't you dare tell the kids the truth about their behavior or they might grow up to be axe-murderers or something! Bobby isn't a disrespectful and rude boy...he's...politeness-challenged. Susie isn't a manipulative, angry girl...she's "having a hard time making friends".
So we sit back in our chair, laptop on lap, hoping someone might say something nice to us...might just encourage us a little.
It's just the next-gen equivalent of when we used to sit by the phone, hoping someone cared enough to call and chat.
Man, we are just desperate for approval!
I began thinking about this as I sat at my desk preparing for a conference I am teaching in a few weeks. In Isaiah 57, God calls upon Israel to remove roadblocks, to prepare the road for the work He wants to do. I began wondering what my roadblocks are; sometimes we are truly blind to our own roadblocks.
The Lord's response to my heart-question was this: "You have an addiction to approval."
This was truly born out today when I was teaching one of my exercise classes. I was taking it really easy on my class since it had been a while since our last class. I told them as much and at the end of the class a woman came up to tell me this was the best class she'd ever been to...which is why it frustrated her that I said it was a lot easier than normal. Thanks?
It really sent me for a spin, this side-ways compliment. She liked the class that I don't normally teach and would prefer that I not teach how I normally teach. So...does she like me? Does she like the not-normally-me? Does it matter?
Why do I care?
I have an addiction to approval.
Approval is like a drug. If I am complimented on something, whether it's singing, speaking, writing, or teaching...it makes me want more. "Oh, really? You liked my song? What did you like about my song?"
So, maybe I should not be complimented.
On the flip-side, though, if I don't get complimented (i.e. a nod of approval) it is like withdrawals; not quite to getting the shakes, but almost. I need to know you like me. I need to know I am good enough.
So, what can be done about this need - this addiction - for approval.
As with any other need I have to take it to my Counselor. You know, the One Jesus said he was sending? The Wonderful Counselor...the Spirit of Truth who will guide us into all truth (John 16).
The scriptures are flush with the truths of how God feels about us and those truths become the anchor of my needy, little soul.
On my next blog I am going to share a list of those "How-God-Feels-About-Me-Truths", so hang in there, fellow addicts. I like you.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Sometimes I feel like I am the audience to a game of dodge ball and the participants are trying their hardest to hit each other, but instead of staying on their side of the gym they are standing inches apart and using bowling balls. Someone gets pummeled in the face and then they turn to me - in the audience - and tells me all about it.
Oh, you know...I'm not implying they say, "Christina, did you happen to notice that my opponent just got me good?". Nope. Tattle-tale. Plain and simple! Cross their arms, stomp their feet...tattle tale.
I say, "I'm sorry, that's unfortunate; I bet that hurt."
What I really want to say is: "Why don't you all just treat each other with a little bit of respect? Why don't you honor the rules? Why don't you try a different game?"
Is respect a dying concept?
Do we feel like we strip our own power if we accede to the boundaries of another?
What gives?
This leads me to the query: what is respect?

re·spect

  [ri-spekt]  Show IPA

noun

1.

a particular, detail, or point (usually preceded by in  ): to differ in some respect.

2.

relation or reference: inquiries with respect to a route.

3.

esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.

4.

deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.

5.

the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.

I was rather taken by the definition of esteeming the worth and excellence of a person.
The Bible tells us that we are chosen and cherished by God (Ephesians 1), so regardless of a person's actions we are all to be treated with respect WHETHER OR NOT WE THINK THEY DESERVE IT!

Ephesians 5:33 says "Men love your wives and wives respect your husband". I see no asterisk that tells us respecting husbands is contingent on their behavior. We treat people with respect because they are created by God, made in His image, and declared valuable! In fact let's look at what Ephesians chapter one says:

Blessed be fthe God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing gin the heavenly places,4 heven as he ichose us in him jbefore the foundation of the world, that we should be kholy and blameless before him. In love 5 lhe predestined us2for madoption as sons through Jesus Christ, naccording to the purpose of his will, 6 oto the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in pthe Beloved. 7 qIn him we have rredemption sthrough his blood,tthe forgiveness of our trespasses, uaccording to the riches of his grace,8 which he lavished upon us, in  all wisdom and insight 9 vmaking known3to us the mystery of his will, naccording to his purpose, which he wset forth in Christ 10 as a plan for xthe fullness of time, yto unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

We are BLESSED, CHOSEN, ADOPTED, REDEEMED, FORGIVEN!

We are all unworthy of being blessed, chosen, adopted, redeemed and forgiven - yet God has declared us so.

So stop treating each other with contempt!

Stop biting and devouring one another with your venom-laced words and cold indifference. Don't you know Jesus said that what will set us apart from the lost and dying world is our love for each other? (John 13:35)

My Confession

/2013

My friends, I have been under conviction. It started out subtle and gentle, and as I have ignored the calling from the Lord to do a certain thing, it has become increasingly more intense - like a thumb on a pressure point in the neck. Related to that conviction, I was recently struck - simply slapped silly - over a verse that I have probably read a hundred times. First let me tell you the verse, then I'll tell you about my whooping.
Jeremiah 29:13
"And you shall seek me, and find me, when you search for me with all of your heart."

Again, this is a verse I've read many times and heard in sermons many times; but it really was astonishing to me what I have been missing each time I read it.
The Lord says if we seek him, we will find him.
That, by itself is an amazing truth. God does not play hard to get. He does not tease us with promises of intimacy and joy and purpose, only to coyly hide behind his throne, giggling. He does not give us the cold shoulder either. He is found by those who seek him.
But here's what got me: "when you search for me with all your heart."
The Hebrew word for heart is "labab" which includes the "mind, knowledge, thinking, reflection, memory" as well as the "inclination, resolution, determination" (Blue letter bible). The heart is the seat of emotions, passions and desires.
In a nut shell, seeking the Lord with all our heart means we determine to direct the passions and desires of our mind and knowledge and thought life on Jesus Christ. As we funnel our thoughts and desires on the Lord and his word we will find him.
Man, that's great!
You ready for the slapped-silly part? For many months I have been crying out to the Lord, that he would give me a greater understanding on his plans and directions for my life. I've been asking that he speak clearly to me and give me wisdom; wisdom about raising children, my place in ministry, and what He wants me to do. I'm a go-gettin' kind of gal and I have such an enormous desire to be out serving and teaching and ministering, but I don't want to do anything until I have the green light from the Lord. So, here I've been, crying out for the "voice from behind that says 'this is the way, walk in it'" (Isaiah 30:21) and, well, I ain't been hearing much.
So, instead, I do what has become second nature to me: I busy my mind and hands and ears with facebook, netflix, and amazon prime. Nothing bad or immoral - but certainly distracting. I've spent my time in prayer and reading the bible, then turn back on "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" while I wash the dishes and fold clothes. I ask for the Lord to speak, then I hold still for thirty-seven second, and when I hear silence I search through the newly released movies on Red Box.
I bet you're wondering what I do with my time, other than watch shows? Don't throw stones...I also read a lot. Now, don't get me wrong, I am all for a good movie and a great book. I am a serious proponent for relaxing and hanging out with the family! What I am trying to say is that, for me, entertainment has become a stronghold in my life that has built fortified walls around my ability to seek the Lord with all my heart.
I want to seek the Lord, but only with the part of my heart that isn't longing for the distraction of entertainment! I have an issue with quietness...I'm not good at being still, yet the Lord says to us in Isaiah 30:15 "in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it!"
That's me. I would have none of it.
January will be a year since I first felt the Lord's gentle tug on my heart to distance myself from consuming TV and movies on a regular basis. I even told a friend that I believed the Lord was asking for more of my attention by turning off the shows, but I didn't listen.
I wonder now what all he had to show me and teach me...what might I have missed by being half-hearted?
Well friends, I wrote this and put it out in internet-land to say that I have sinned. I have disobeyed the Lord's instructions to accept quietness. And I repent.
You see, I love Jesus and have no greater joy than what I experience when I hear from him and spend time with him. I have cried with him and laughed with him and have thrilled to the knowledge that he wants to spend time with me too. Yet, recently he's been quiet and I miss those times with him.
Please know that this is not a "I have to perform to get God's love" kind of thing. No, this is a "I need to obey because I want to be closer to God" kind of thing.
So, would you help me stay accountable to more quietness? Would you ask me how it's going on my journey with the Lord? And if you need prayer or help, let me know! 

Eyes Wide Open

In 2011 I took my first trip with Reid Saunders Association, an evangelistic ministry, to India. It was exciting and mysterious and I went there feeling like I had so much to teach the women I was going there to teach the Bible to. The first day of the women's conference in Chirala, India I finished speaking in record time, despite the fact that I was working with a translator and was told to "take all the time I need". I pretty much used up all the notes I'd had for most of the conference in the first day. Oh boy. Man, I was nervous...all the witty life stories that apply here in the US just don't apply to women in India. And I like to tell stories. So, we concluded the first day of the conference and had plenty-o-time to meet the women.
Now, this is what I was unprepared for.
These women, who I came to teach from afar, moved into my comfort zone and wanted me to put my hands on them and pray for them. It's not like here, in the American church, when a friend shares a concern and we scrunch up our face and say, "oh, that sucks. I'll pray for you." That friend says thank you and you whisper a quick, "Lord, help her" as you go get your next cup of coffee.
Nope. These Indian women came to me, told me what ailed them, and wanted prayer...RIGHT NOW. Not only did they want prayer, they wanted me to touch them where it hurt...awkward.
I fought, internally, with how weird this was to me; how backward these women were. There were headaches and fevers...to which I wanted to say, "take an aspirin, drink some water." There were girls asking me to pray for their education, to which I wanted to say, "Go home and study." One woman brought her daughter over, grabbed my hand and put it on her belly and said, "No baby."
I think that's where I broke.
Compassion and mercy is not my strongest suit...while a lot of what ailed these women could be solved with modern-medicine and some common sense, that's not what God sent me across the world to teach...and to learn. He was teaching me to see the humanity, the need we all have...to know that someone cares. I need to know that when I have a concern that someone actually cares. These women in India needed to know that I cared, because - ultimately - they need to know that God cares. They saw me, a teacher of the Bible, as a representative of God. I had been teaching them about how Jesus loves women, how we who have put our faith in Jesus Christ have been adopted into the family of God and we are his daughters. The test of whether or not I believed what I'd been preaching was in how I responded to their deep need for someone to care. What an incredible lesson for me.
Well, I was back home before I knew it...back to business as usual in modern America. A month later I had a morning appointment with an hour free between taking the girls to school and seeing the doctor, so I stopped at Starbucks. Some time earlier I had given a lecture at a school and was gifted a Starbucks card as a thank-you...so I went with my card and my free hour and sat leisurely sipping on my latte.
The door opened and in walked in a man who, by all appearances, was homeless. He came in for a cup of water, coughing and hacking the whole way to the counter. This wasn't a gentle cough into the sleeve, it was the worst open-mouth, tongue-out hack you can imagine. All eyes were on this man.
He approached the counter and asked for water then took a piece of the sample coffee cake that was out. Turning around he started to choke on the coffee cake and coughed vigorously, spewing coffee cakeeverywhere.
It was gross. I mean, I felt for the guy, but it was nasty.
The man took a seat and tried to drink his water, all while making a scene with his dramatically loud cold. A barista came over and asked the man to leave.
When he was gone, laughter ensued.
"Sanitize the table!" "OMG"...an on.
That was when the Holy Spirit told me to take the gift card, with it's $9, and give it to the man.
Getting up I quickly found the man sitting at the road waiting for the bus. Standing ten feet away was a man, also waiting for the bus, who gave me that look that you give when you think someone else is gross. Not me, the homeless guy.
The man was sitting on the cold ground, wiping snot on the concrete as I approached. I leaned over him and said, "Sir, there is nine dollars on this card. Go inside and buy some chamomile tea for your cold."
He said, "I've had a really tough winter and was beat up really bad."
My eyes were wide open. I saw in the man's watery, weary eyes a real person. My heart flooded with compassion I am not used to feeling.
I said, "Can I pray for you?"
He gave me a strange look and said, "okay."
Putting my hand on his head I began to pray. I don't remember what I prayed, what I remember was the way he began to sob, "oh God, oh God...help me."
When I finished praying and looked him in the eyes and told him "Jesus loves you."
As I walked away I remember feeling that the lesson I had begun to learn in India - to show others the compassion, love and caring of Christ - was a life changer...not only for them, but for me. 

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Life is a journey!

I have discovered something recently; and by recently I mean that it has been in the works since last summer when I began a bible study written by Beth Moore. Her study was on the Psalms of Ascent - basically the psalms that talk about the Jews journey to Jerusalem and the spiritual implications therein. In the Psalms the traveling Jews acknowledge that they are living in foreign lands and are waiting for their journey to end so they can be home.
I realized that this life is a journey; it is not the end destination! If this were "it" and this was all I have to look forward to, then the longing for more wouldn't make sense to me. There is more beyond this life here on earth and the journey that we take on this earth has implications that last beyond this day, this time. You see, on the way to Jerusalem if a person fell and broke their ankle it was not instantaneously healed the moment he entered the gates of the holy city. So too the choices we make now will bear their consequences later. The life I am learning to live is called a kingdom living life.
I know this sounds a little freaky, perhaps a little 'woo-hoo' but there is so much to learn about this journey. I have called my blog "Journey to Emmaus" because after the resurrection of Christ two men, followers of Jesus, were travelling to a town called Emmaus and along the way they met a stranger - it was Jesus, but strangely they did not recognize him. As they were sharing their grief over the death of their leader, and their confusion over his death, the Lord began to teach them about how He is the Word of God, cover to cover. When they reached Emmaus they dined with their teacher and when he broke bread they recognized Jesus for who he was - and their life was never the same!
I want to know Jesus, and His word - cover to cover - in such a way that it changes my life and I will never be the same. This is my journey to understanding and intimacy and change. A change that will effect my eternity and my life here and now.